Jesus has Answered my Prayer

On this Single Awareness Day, I’ve been thinking a lot about my crush on a handsome bumbler who is not very actively reciprocating my crush. Boo Valentine’s Day! I keep hoping, and wishing, and thinking, and praying… that he’ll be as interested in me as I am in him. But I think he’s got his own issues to work on. Fine. I get it. Been there, done that. I’ll mosey along. 

At lease Jesus was able to answer my prayer this evening. 

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Single Lady Thought of the Day

As I sit here on my couch, on a Friday night, alone, watching Dirty Grandapa, with my dog (okay, fine, and two cats)… I can’t help but think that if I were co-starring opposite Zac Efron, I would not only have a difficult time doing my job (partially because I suck at acting, but mostly because, ya know, Zac Efron) I would also be extremely unprofessional (because, ya know, Zac Efron).

I read once that he has zero game on tinder because girls think it’s a fake profile. I am now very likely to swipe right if I ever see his face on tinder. Guys, don’t be cruel and fake me out. And Zac, if you happen to enjoy the mountains and fresh air of the Pacific Northwest, hit me up 😉

That is all. 

And the Award Goes to…

This dude! For the most underrated statement ever! (Roll with my hyperbole here…)

“I’m interested in working out…”

Well, no shit! I could have guessed you enjoyed the occasional visit to the gym but I appreciate the clarification since if it wasn’t clear from your profile statement, the photo of you He-Manning it up at the gym might do the trick. 

I’m sure he’s very nice… Just your average guy searching for love… on Tinder. But that photo is intimidating as shit for anyone, let alone an average-bodied gal like me. 

Fair Question

To be honest, this is a fair question (I think). But it shouldn’t be the first question you ask and there is likely a more tactful way to word it once the time comes you might want to ask. 

Proper Etiquette: Part II

When using a toilet in a person’s home (or a better practice would be at all times) you should put the toilet seat down. Toilets are yucky filthy places and when you deposit your inner workings into the bowl, it’s even less clean. Toilets spew a fine mist and if the toilet seat isn’t down, that filthy deposit is going to be spewed all over my a person’s bathroom.

A More Serious Note

This is going to be a very drastic change in tone from my previous posts. But no one follows me or knows who I am so I am going to take advantage of the anonymity. So here’s the very abridged version.

About three months ago my husband told me he no longer is in love with me. About two weeks ago, on our wedding anniversary, I told him that I want to work things out but he is free to leave. I’ve been in a no communication, limbo state for the past three months and I’m starting to go insane. I need to know whether or not to move forward. I would rather work things out. I would rather spend my life with the many I purposely chose to be the father of my future children. 

It’s just not as easy as you might think to say “Well why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you? Move on!” You would think it would be that easy. I would have thought it would be that easy. 

Prayers and patience are my mantra right now. 

Show off…

But seriously, what is the point of riding a bicycle with no hands? It’s really silly.

And I’m not hating because I can’t do it.

First World Problems: Part I

I actually don’t mind being behind on the latest season of my tv show. Between Netflix and Hulu Plus I can watch episodes back-to-back without waiting for the next week’s episode or the next season premier. But it sucks when I’m all caught up and have reached the end of the series and the next season is months away. The Bones season finale has left me in suspense!

True first world problems.

That Awkward Moment: Part I

That awkward moment when you encounter an odor that at first you think smells delicious and makes your tummy grumble. Then you begin to question whether or not what you smell is actually tasty food wafting in the air or rank B.O. lingering in the halls… And your just not sure if you want to vomit or go grab some Chinese food (although I’m not sure the two are mutually exclusive).

Not So Fresh or So Clean but Thanks Outkast

I understand the biological mechanics behind why I poop after a shower but it doesn’t mean I have to like the fact that I just cleaned that shit up… Pun totally intended.

Squirty poops are especially the worst.

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