Condescending Jackwagon

I have very few words for this “man.”

I’m 29, with two degrees, I pay my bills, keep three fur babies alive, own my home and car (okay, technically the bank owns them), am divorced…

Maybe this was an attempt to be cute but all it did was piss me off because it was just so damn condescending. 

This may be rude…

…but I’m going to post it anyway. If you have to qualify your initial message to me with “Thi[s] may be rude” (which you can’t even type correctly), you probably shouldn’t say it. What’s that my mother always said? If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

I really wanted to respond but I just didn’t want to waste my brain cells or give him the satisfaction of a response. 

If you could respond, what would you say?

Credit Score

Why? Just, why? Why would you show me a screenshot of your credit score? Just tell me you have your shit together in your profile blurb. This just makes you look like a tool. (Plus, mine is better 😉 See, you look like a tool).

I’m Not That Modern

I apparently missed the memo about open marriages. I mean, I’m a modern lady but I’m not that modern. 

One Question Begs Several of My Own 

This particular inquiry begs many questions:

  1. Who actually responds?
  2. How often does this work?
  3. Is it suppose to be cute? Funny? An ice-breaker?
  4. What is the purpose of the seemingly pornographic cartoon profile picture?
  5. Why does one choose a username with “lucifer”?
  6. How the hell did we match with even 32%? It makes me seriously doubt the logarithms.

Indirect Solicitation 

Is the picture in this profile (which is the only picture, I might add) a solicitation?  I’m not sure the going rate but it’s not enough. 

Also, my OCD is annoyed by the mismatched directionality of the various bills. 💵 

Is his name really spelled that way or is it a typo?

The sad thing is this will, if it hasn’t already, get right swipes. 

Tinder profile picture with $250


This one cracks me up for a couple reasons:

1. When I looked at the photo, totally thought there were dicks on his boxer briefs. 

2. I was amused to learn from his disclaimer that I was not the first to wonder “WTF? Why are there dicks on your boxer briefs?”

3. Clearly, he only seeks hookups and if I were that type of gal, I would eat those abs up. 

4. It is only fitting that given what this Tinderer seeks, he is 69 miles away…

Damn, Dudes are Sneaky

So I almost swiped right. And guys know we (yes, I am lumping all us women together #sorrynotsorry) are suckers for a cute baby animal but especially a puppy.

It’s tricky and sneaky. But damn, I bet it’s effective too. It’s his first photo. He knows I don’t have to look further or read the profile because clearly, he’s swipe-right worthy (or for my Seinfeld fans, sponge-worthy) simply because of that puppy 🐶 I mean, let’s be real — the pup is effing adorable.

But you know what, you could be Prince Harry holding that puppy and I will refuse to swipe right! I refuse to be manipulated like that! You could be Channing Tatum, Chris Pratt, Ryan Reynolds… and I will stand strong and say “No!”

(Luckily, I’m a commoner and none of these men are single so we never have to actually test my will-power…)

The Wonderful World of Online Dating — Innaugural Post

I’m a newly single woman. I’m an introvert. I work. A lot. Not the best combination for meeting new people. 

As each day passes, I realize how much harder it can be to meet someone, especially now that I’m not in school. 

For a long time I’ve thought “I’m not so desperate that I would EVER do online dating.” But I have several good friends who’ve met their spouse or longtime partner on a dating website. I began to think — maybe a program that systematically matches you up with others based on your likes and dislikes is a good idea… Less chance and “fate” required. Why limit myself and the dating pool? There might be someone in my small town I’ve never met and might never meet without he help of a dating app or website! 

So… I signed up. For several. Now, I figured there’d be your typical asshats but it’s actually far more amusing than I anticipated. And disgusting. And desperate. 

So I’d like to share with you the interesting people I’ve “met” so I’m not the only one laughing (or cringing).

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